(Be sure to read the last post, It’s Supposed to be Hard, before you dive into this post. It all ties together!)
Why do you want this?
Here is a conversation I had recently with one of my daughters. For context, she loves getting to school early. She has an amazing teacher that she adores and she loves to see her friends, so getting to school early is her favorite.
On this particular morning, however, she was dragging. She had found a spot to lay on the couch and was firmly parked there halfway between asleep and awake. I came over to encourage her, and she loudly complained that she was not moving, she was too tired.
“Why do you like to go to school every day?” I asked her.
“Hmph!” she grunted.
“Do you like to see your friends in the morning?” I said.
“Yeah,” she reluctantly agreed.
“What do you need to do to be early to school and have time with your friends?”
A little less reluctantly, “I need to get ready. But mom, I’m tired, it’s so hard!” (Does that sound familiar from last week?)
“I know it’s hard, honey, but you can do hard things! And is it worth it to get to see your friends?”
“Yeah, I guess.”
And then she got up and started moving.
So what happened? Why did she suddenly go from being stuck resisting change to a state of movement?
She remembered her Why.
What is a Why?
It is what motivates the deepest parts of us, the driving force that can help us change our lives when we keep our focus on it.
How do you find your Why? You have a simple chat with yourself, answering a few questions. You can use this exercise with weight loss, of course, and you can use it for any other goal that you have in your life.
- First, ask yourself what your goal is. Let’s pretend for a moment that you are a woman with PCOS who wants to lose weight. Weight loss is your goal.
- Next, ask yourself why do you want that thing? In our example, why does the woman with PCOS want to lose weight? Let’s pretend she says she wants to lose weight because her doctor told her it could help with her PCOS symptoms.
- Now we ask why again. Why does she want help with her PCOS symptoms? Let’s pretend she says it’s because she’s tired of the fatigue, the acne, and most of all, the infertility.
- Let’s ask why one more time. Why does she want relief from her infertility? And this is where the floodgates open and she gives a real emotional response. She tells you that the thing she has wanted her entire life is to be a mom, and now she is scared that it will never happen. She will do anything to be a mom, and she wonders if changing her food will actually make a difference.
We found it! Wanting a baby is this lady’s big Why. When she is going through those moments of being stuck in moments of resisting change, she can shift her focus to her big Why, and that can help her push through the uncomfortable.
One quick note! Your Why should never be a negative. What do I mean by that? If your Why looks something like, “I don’t want to be sick anymore,” or “I don’t like feeling uncomfortable in my skin,” etc., then you are putting all your focus on what you DON’T want. Don’t let your energy go toward what you don’t want! Change that negative to a positive.
Examples: If your why looks like, “I’m tired of being fat!” (I hate using the “fat” word, but it’s a good example here) then you can change that into, “I want to feel comfortable and good in my body!” If your why is, “I don’t want to be sick anymore,” then you can change that to, “I want to feel vibrant, healthy, and full of energy every day!” It should be something that you are so excited to have that you add an exclamation point! Make sense? If you need help reframing your negative to a positive, email me and I’ll be happy to help you out.
When you find your Why, put it on a sticky note on your bathroom mirror, write it in a journal, share it with a friend (or with me!). Think about it several times a day. All these things will help you keep your Why front and center and pull you toward your goal.
Now it’s your turn. What is your goal, and what is your big Why?
I encourage you to go through this exercise and share your answers with me, either by commenting below or emailing me at Emily@healthbyemily.com. I’d love to know!
This is part 2 of a 4 part series on how to finally reach your goals. You can find part 1 here. Read part 3 here to learn what to do now that you have your Why, and watch for part 4 coming soon!